Recently a client sent this to me and gave me permission to share. Some of the text has been removed to protect client identity.
I was in a state of existence – a numbness. Going along with the flow of life but not necessarily participating. The only constant was a general feeling that I wasn’t good enough in anything that I did… but particularly when it came to my work. While outwardly I’d try and project a positive aura, inwardly I was wrestling with all sorts of negativity and I was starting to feel like I was going mad. I felt like I didn’t know what made me happy anymore, I felt like I had no voice, no opinion and that if anything went wrong (whether in my control or otherwise) it would somehow be my fault – my mistake…that I could have done more, that it was my inability that had caused the issue.
Essentially, I felt lost and in a constant state of negative self-bashing.
I was driving myself mad, wrestling with all of these negative thoughts (they were like negative ninja thoughts that would sometimes spring out of nowhere!). I was tired a lot of the time – emotionally and physically.
While I carried on with everything day to day, it was more of an existence as opposed to living. I was so disappointed in myself as I felt that I wasn’t reaching my potential… deep down I felt I had something to give (what that was I wasn’t sure of?). But I knew I had more to give but was stopping myself.
I couldn’t carry on this way as I felt it would seriously begin to impact other areas of my life and be on the brink of a breakdown.
When I first met Yvette, I immediately felt at ease and therefore I could open up to her. So eager to make a change with my life I think I threw every waking thought at her in our first session! She helped break these thoughts down and identify common themes, which in turn helped me to identify what my goal was for our sessions.
It was certainly a journey and what I appreciated the most was how she challenged me and pushed me at times to dig a little deeper to understanding the history behind my thought patterns.
It’s only when I reflect on my time and think back to where I was, do I realise how much I have grown… I’ve had small wins along the way (and there were dips along the way too) but the combined 6 weeks has now got me to a position where I have a better understanding of myself and where certain thought patterns have originated from (I was amazed how far back these thoughts went!).
I also am starting to think I am worth something now and feel I am getting some sort of spark back – I’m sharing my opinions more and not being as self-deprecating or apologetic of who I am. I feel I am in a much better place.
I generally feel more positive and open to the idea of change. There’s still a way to go but I now realise that there is no quick fix (something Yvette has helped me to realise). I am being more logical in work situations i.e. when things go wrong is it really my fault? I feel I am being braver, bolder in work too – i.e. sharing my ideas (and yes some of them bomb but sometimes they lead to a better idea or it is a good idea in its own right).
When I am starting to get into a negative tail spin, I take a moment to look at the situation and try and rationalise this –All in all it feels liberating… I am definitely taking steps in the right direction. I don’t feel that I am a shadow anymore.
Yvette has given me lots of tools and prompts (and ultimately self-awareness in a positive sense) to continue to re-learn certain behaviours and ways to disrupt negative thought processes when they strike.
I feel more energised and have a spring in my step, ready for a new chapter in my life.
Life Personally and Professionally are intertwined by chapters and transitions.
How are you showing up in the workplace and are you ready to become liberated, feel energised and have a spring in your step?
I for one, would love to hear from you.
What other ideas can you add? If you enjoyed this blog post, please share it with a friend!
With love and blessings