Remember when life was good? Do you also remember when you were crudely brought face to face with either debt, divorce or death?
Just one of these is bad enough. Maybe you’ve had to deal with two out of the three and if you’re like some of the people I’ve worked with you’ve had all three!
For some, navigating yourself back to normality after emerging from such life changing events can be an incredibly long uphill struggle.
Wrestling with panic, paralysis, confusion and fear, unable to even contemplate making the next move, or just plain scared to take action – just in case it’s not the right thing…
Did you just nod your head?…
“Who do I share my shame with?”
Where and who do you turn to when time has elapsed and the pressure builds because you’ve told yourself you should have moved on by now, or it’s time to get moving again?
Friends and family love you but don’t quite understand…they KNOW your strengths, they tell you…they see it but the truth is, you’ve changed – you’ve lost something inside… If only you knew what that something was. Lacking in clarity, focus and direction, suffering from crippling self-doubt, an eroded sense of self, your confidence slipped to rock bottom and feeling like you’re in the slow-motion lane of life.
As you head down the path of despair, maybe shame, certainly embarrassment it gets increasingly more difficult to open up to those around you.
Sorry, but did I just see you nod your head again?…
“Who do I share my shame with?”
Getting clarity from here is frustrating, frightening…as your world has crumbled all around you. Your options are blurred because of course you’re not in a peak state of mind.
Are you nodding again? …
“Who do I share my shame with?”
As YOU to read this, know that you are not alone.
Hundreds of thousands of us have experienced what I describe above and that includes people from all walks of life, professional people who have had have lived life up until this point. When I experienced paralysis in this place, it wasn’t because I’m talentless, lazy, or had nothing to offer. Simply, life caught me off guard, I simply didn’t have the resources or tools to get back on my own.
For me, I was overwhelmed there was no rationale to the in action.
Lifestyle choices were exchanged at the drop of a hat. Did I accept them all? NO! Was I aware of how this tragedy was going to impact me? NO. BUT…
Sometime later, I feel blessed, I have scars from that that event but now I wear them with pride. Some of those scars resided within and were unconscious, they held me back in ways I wasn’t aware of, they prevented me from stepping back into life for a period of time, however whilst I am a changed person, I choose to be unstoppable by the twists and turns of life.
I made a pledge that I would through my work stand side by side of another person who ever felt as isolated and as helpless during and after a major life changing event that would forever change who you thought they believed themselves to be and to help them regain a new identity.
It took a team of people to help me overcome some of those challenges, despite knowing what I should do and this is the lesson I’d ask you to take.
If you would like to take the reins back of your life and integrate your feelings of shame for not being where you think you should be after a life changing event, reach out and get some support.
I for one, would love to hear from you.
What other ideas can you add? If you enjoyed this blog post, please share it with a friend!
With love and blessings
Yvette
